The annually Spotify Wrapped is a pretty optimistic affair, which this year doesn’t quite fit the mood of everybody. There’s another choice for the more sullen among us: The Spotify Pudding bot who will judge us for our offences of listening to awful music.
If you wish to be evaluated, you open a “How Bad is Your Spotify” page and log in with your Spotify account. (On the “Loading Your Music Library” tab, it could take a few refreshes.) This utter jerk of an AI then ruthlessly drags you as it pulls your playlists and top songs. Before it displays some results, it asks you queries in phrases that give the plain text the same atmosphere as the girls who bullied me in middle school. Have you listened to Clementine by Sarah Jaffe for real? (Yes) Ironically, like? (No…)
The final judgment takes the form of a multi-hyphenated statement, accompanied by a loose statistics page. My Spotify Pudding bot listens to mason-jar-candle-from-target-craft-beer-snob-wet-ass, the dumb little computer program considered bad. And what, you know? That’s right. I listened to a literally unholy amount of Hozier this year. I wished to be proud of Spotify Wrapped, but I spent the year cursing the reality that I was too bummed out and busy to really look for new and inspiring artists.
The bot is not that customized, practically. In a snarky tone, it will question everybody the same boilerplate queries. But it also gave me the affirmation that I didn’t realize I was craving for. The taste of my music sucks a little, but who doesn’t? Who among us wouldn’t want to listen to the same familiar, tried-and-true songs that hit just right, even though our more pompous friends won their scorn?